So yeah I had a weird night.

First of all get the good stuff out the way, completed a couple of examinations in university where I gave an excellent account of myself on both occasions – the second one i got 90% pass rate on it. Which again I suffered as a result – I had this weird emotion where I laughed a lot?! I was on the phone to her saying “get it up them all” had this overwhelming sense of justice.

I called my mother, and she still couldn’t do it. She circled around the prospect of saying well done but there was words like “I’m pleased for you” and terrif. My dad on the other hand those were the immediate words that he said. Somehow it just doesn’t feel sincere though? I don’t know.

I even had a go at my mum saying “you just couldn’t say it could you?”

I quote “What? Well done. Terrific. Wonderful Xx”

I dont know about you it just feels a tone of sarcasm about it?

I again used twitter, which in all fairness I use far too often anyway. I had more positive feedback on that than I did anywhere else, I even tried to text my brother. Didn’t even get a response from him.

Second part of it was my nightmare/dream I woke up where Gemma was a central part in this equation, really hard to have a clear vision of what the dream was about – I remember having a clear emotion of where there was a break up but I was back to being friends, there was also a clear visual of me being in the room at the time of her having sex with someone else which was bizarre – I have a clear visual of the position she was in (I can only put that down to watching too much adult stuff) also which was also incredibly weird. I can only put that down to frustration! I remember waking up with a vivid sense that what I experienced I was very uncomfortable with. I also remember asking her wether she got my email (you may remember I posted her an email offering a conversation to give her peice of mind in terms of her getting married) she said she did. Alot of it is kinda vague but overall definetly all sorts of weird.

I have alot of downtime now, which isnt so good. Trying to find a project of some description to deal with.