It was interesting to experience what I did at my last appointment, finding that guys hidden away inside me. I feel completely different after that conversation, finally admitted to myself that yes it is true. I just laugh and joke all the time, trying to make the best impression but there is that guy hidden away SCREAMING for attention and affection. For someone to believe, care understand and love. Like that moment I always remember when Gemma bought me that stupid coin collector, she bought thats specific one because the design resembled my favourite kind of beer.

I can’t remember the last time that happened since then.

I remember when at football my dear dear friend who helped my sanity was held in high regard for his work as a coach, I denied it to myself for so long but there is a guy inside me screaming to be held in similar high regard, for someone to express affection in the same fashion they did for him. When he left people made an effort to actively stop him leaving, when I left I got minimal response despite the work done. True enough that guy is screaming out for the recognition for the stuff I do behind the scenes anywhere.

Anywhere I go that guy is screaming out for that word of approval, that public affection on any aspect of life.