This is the hardest part for me, earlier today I called out Debbie – I posted her a message asking when she would like to visit the cinema (you may remember my collecting of tickets for a visit) her response was “not anytime soon” subsequently I lost all levels of patience and asked “when I should make plans to meet her” and her response was “meeting up isnt really going to work out for me”

Then came the familiar feeling of devastation and loneliness, that guy lost within me cut loose without any level of direction of traction. Entirely pointless exercise.

To be fair it was a frustrating affair, left in the dark – delays and vague responses all over the place but another occasion where I am guilty of over extending myself. Almost smothering with the hidden agenda of desperation of some affection in return. So overwhelming.

What do I do now? I genuinely felt good about that prospect, she showed some level of interest and so did i. It’s weird because I struggle to find someone that retains that level of interest from me for more than 5 minutes.

Reminded me when Gemma left, isolated and alone. Had to speak to breathing space to salvage what I had left.

Just lost.