Some more writing, last night I got really sick again. I was watching some of the women’s world cup and it triggered some memory that perhaps I don’t want to remember.

I ended up falling into trap of trying to find people on social media, subsequently I discovered I have some more people who have blocked me on said social media. Then as a result I fall into a trap of going down that road of thinking of bad things.

Currently thinking about how easy it would be to simply go to the clyde on monday, jump off the fucking bridge. Get my own back against all these people. Its fucking scarey, I can feel it inside my right now, thanks to the work done I can control it but there is still that demon inside me aasking to not have to put up with this anymore.

Suffering a bit of man flu at the moment which has drained the life force out of me, trying to do stuff to take my mind off things, was speaking to debbie last night just about random stuff, not even the level of desperation like it was before, I also did a good thing today where I spoke to Kate, just explaining that I got better as a result of something new. Felt good to have that positive conversation, minimal anxiety.

I think alot of it links back to the unresolved thing that I always spoke about.