Whilst really enjoying the buzz of meeting Debbie the other day, it eventually tailed off and now im really into the depth of what I feared. In terms of the emotional response everything is so utterly extreme, we had been chatting back and forth usually me initiating the conversations, which even had an effect, eventually concluding a potential first actually date today. This morning she cancelled as she has the prospect of a job, which i can entirely understand BUT this is where the difficulty shows up. I am experiencing an overwhelming combination of disappointment and anxiety, the prospect of being turned down entirely seems to present itself consistently, despite everything seemingly go so well. I am battling against my mind wanting to reorganize my life entirely around the prospect of entering a relationship with her. A ludicrous idea in itself, even more so now as she appears to me not as keen as before despite interesting hints. A difficult day in that sense.

I also have the issue of my parents, again I always maintain that they are of course my parents I only get one set, on the other hand I was asked today “do i have any dirty underwear” i flew off the handle. What do you need to do in life to be treated with any level of maturity or respect, I am not a damn 5 year old. Can you imagine if anyone I knew was around and I was asked that question, if I was a relationship and the female was there are the time. I was furious, kind of still am.