Wanted to write a little something, which was very interesting. I got very mad the past couple of days and I have been making an effort on following the theme of all the schemas mentioned in our conversations. I currently write to you after a number of vodka and cokes, so I suppose my judgement is a bit off, originally I went to a traffic light party which was fine. Originally it was a bit isolating but I used some of my CBD and it chilled me out, handled it pretty well then started talking to people. Originally had it in mind to pretty much leave, as it appeared to be a waste of my time then a girl swooshed in, literally like it sounded in my head (i thought it was quite amusing) through conversation I discovered she was doing a degree in buisness, I even made an effort to offer her a drink which she declined, eventually someone else encouraged a guy to put his arm around her and it all felt like high school, felt very self critical – utterly useless and pathetic, angry with myself also. Combination of angry and self critical.

Left and responded to kates questions, I went to meet her in the pub as she had a rubbish day at work, I bought her a couple of drinks and then she rushed off to catch the bus. I recieved a nudge in the chest with her fist and a smile in appreciation for me coming out. Was strangely insulted by this, if we were on maybe a first date or second date then I would understand, but we were beyond that so expressed my anger. So yeah mistrust and abuse schema appeared. I appreciate this sounds very self entitled, a bit ashamed of this.

I have said enough is enough with kate though.