Hello
Some more writing in order, the weekend has its ups and downs – on saturday I went to a whisky festival, which was AMAZING. People freely handing out single malts without any complaint, I managed to get my friend to come along with me who has been my mate for many moons, used to be a flatmate aswell and I was in a place where life was good and I had a sense of humour. I was speaking to people and there was laughing and joking, Franko (my friend) were telling stories to each other and it was funny. Life was good. I got home and played a stupid video game where there was that escape element, I forgot where I was, it was excellent. Been speaking more to Debbie aswell and its going really well, a big percentage of the anxiety and paranoia has faded, as it turns out she accidentally hadn’t paid her phone bill so as a result she wasnt in touch. I had successfully refrained from trying to contact her continually as that old version of me used to do. Freaking out and all that and its worked out kinda good, still at the early stages in terms of the “romantic” part of life if u want to call it that but I am optimistic.
Yesterday was kind of weird, total write off mentally as I was a bit hungover, a couple of interesting things went on that I learned from. Basically the game is Eve Online. Which is kind of a worry at the moment because i have a sense of anxiety when not playing it which is a sign of addiction. When I was interacting with others I am usually the guy that is light hearted and generally joking around (who would have thought it)
In this case the game is based around a currency, I asked for x3 of a specific item and the expense was whatever, and my joke was “did you put an extra 10 million on that for putting up with my accent” which isn’t very funny but clearly a joke non the less.
In this case the response was first, proof that the value was accurate and following that i verified it was a joke, which i was responded with “when it directly impacts my reputation then I don’t find it amusing” which is ludicrous considering its a video game, but at that moment I came to the realization that no one cares, it is a video game and they can be as much of a dick as they want. I felt really isolated and lonely at that specific time, as I used the game as a sense of community also. I took action by making changes, first of all i deleted the damn thing but that was out of pure anger, I was taught that you shouldn’t make decisions when angry so i went back to it as the subscription expires in December time so it seems a waste. So the changes I made were to become independent, to play the game without having to be around people, I play parts of the game where there are loads of people sometimes which is much more exciting. What was interesting to me was that I am happier when doing things on my own, and yet I get lonely much more often.
Last week I was really sick also – but I have the normal doc tmorrow to take a look at that.
Much more to talk about but thats for next time.