Bit of a whirlwind past few days, all stemmed from Friday in terms of the this stupid epilepsy, it would have been nice to have been rid of it for a while but I suppose it was overdue in terms of releasing pressure. Nice and chilled out now.
In terms of after the seizure, fit or whatever you want to call it I was in hurrendous shape, all sorts of a headache, exhausted and oh dear god did I feel low, this was serious though I had no interest in talking to people and the thoughts of taking my own life were very real and consistent. I have it under control at the moment but that was a day that was a total write off, kind of fucked my entire weekend to be honest.
Now I go to university, am I happy to go? Not entirely sure to be honest. Its an opportunity to get a degree at least, stand me in good stead in terms of getting myself a reasonable job but I have experience significant rejection, I was turned down for so many jobs in the past its had an effect on me and also considering how much I hated a call centre the amount of times I have had the sack is ludicrous. I think its all my jobs or close enough.
I noticed today I have a fear of making my own decision, this is my parents fault as I remember how furious my mum got when I quit a job once. I have a fear of doing that, was kinda funny today, she lived like 40 years ago in terms of well everything. What scares me is that everything seems to link back to my parents.
My dad apparently stole alcohol from my aunts house, dont ever know how low he is willing to go but its kinda astonishing really? I think I have made peace with it to be honest.