I did it, I paid for the “company”. I literally can’t bring myself to say to words actually, which hurts. Was a weird experience, the urge and tension was so utterly overwhelming and afterwards I felt better. Settled and clear of the anxiety.

More importantly right at this moment, I queries what the hell was going on with this “investigation” and I received an email back within 5 minutes explaining that I will potentially receive a call tomorrow, again speculative so the uncertainty has had a horrendous effect on me. If i was to be excluded from football surely they would have contacted me sooner? They are talking about reports and chat and all sorts of stuff. Pretty damn horrible, I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but I’m not here to hurt anyone. Very upsetting.

Actually going to call breathing space I think.